one last time
by BellaRoslin52
Summary: This isn't one of my normal shandy stories, This one is very personal to me and I felt like I need to write what I'm feeling, I know some of you won't like it because of the type of story it is and it involves the death of a main character but, This story is taking from my own experience with a person that I loved with everything I had, I want to say a HUGE thank you to Maggie! :)
1. Chapter 1

**This isn't one of my normal shandy stories, This one is very personal to me and I felt like I need to write what I'm feeling, I know some of you won't like it because of the type of story it is and it involves the death of a main character but, This story is taking from my own experience with a person that I loved with everything I had, I want to say a HUGE thank you to CapricaM1983 for encouraging me to post this story, I do hope that all of you like it, and if you don't I understand completely, "Ya'll have been warned, All the mistakes are my own…..**

When she walked back into her condo it was eerily quiet, it had been a few days since she had been there and it didn't feel like home to her anymore, she made her way down the hall to her bedroom and walked inside it wasn't the same without him being there, she made her way through her nightly routine after she had settled in bed she looked over at her phone knowing it wouldn't ring, as she laid there staring at the ceiling the tears started falling, she thought back to that day that her world fell apart.

"she had slept in that morning it was a Saturday and they hadn't caught a case so she took advantage of the down time, until her phone rang that afternoon, it was a very upset and distraught Nicole on the phone, "Sharon, _sharon, dad's had a heart attack, he needs you,_ as she listened I'm on my way now she started to cry as she made her way to the hospital where she found Louie and Patrice sitting in the waiting room, they looked up when they saw her walk in, "Sharon he's not doing good, Louie whispered as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, she looked at him again, "is he awake?

He looked at her a moment as he felt Patrice standing next to him, "No sharon they have him sedated he had another one right after nicole called you and it's not looking good, we are waiting on the doctor to come back out. About that time the doctor came through the door, She was a young looking doctor, she walked up to them.

"Hi I'm Doctor Szermer, "I've been taking care of Andrew since he came in, as she looked at sharon, "and you are his girlfriend? Sharon looked at her yes, "how is he? The doctor hesitated for a moment, "I'm not going to sugar coat anything with any of you, "it's not good he has sustained a lot of damage to the heart muscle itself and he isn't responding very well to the treatment and medicine we are trying to give him, "We are going to take him down for surgery to see if we can fix some of the damage that was done, We should know more once we have in the O.R. As she stood there listening to the doctor she could feel the tears threatening to fall as she gently touched louies arm she whispered that she was going to go out and call rusty and let him know what's going, he gently patted her arm as she turned and walked outside before she left she turned back to the doctor, "can I sit with him for a while until he's taken up to the O. R. ? "Sure if that's what you want to do, "I must tell you that the next few hours will be very crucial, "we aren't sure how he is going to respond to the medicine, At that sharon turned and walked outside to call her son, A few mins had passed and she made her way back inside, she saw louie and patrice waiting for along with the rest of their team, she stopped before she got to them to collect herself and her thoughts before she spoke, when they saw her coming back they all stood up waiting to see what she was going to say, "well its late I would like all of you to go home and get some rest, "I'm going to stay here and sit with him, "Sharon are you sure? "Louie asked, she could see the concern on his face, "yes, I can't leave him louie, "well if you need anything or you need us just call me, " I will she smiled sadly, he gave a her a quick hug as him and patrice walked out, "that goes for us too captain Julio spoke up first followed by buzz, tao, and amy, as they all left, she turned to nicole ,"honey you need to go home too and get some rest, she smiled sadly at her, "I think I am going to stay for a little while if that is ok with you? She could tell that nicole looked worried that she was going to say no but right now sharon needed her as much as nicole needed sharon, "that's more than fine with me honey, as they entered his room, he looked so pale and fragile as they both looked at each other as they made their way to the bed, A few hours later they were woken up to the sounds of the orderlies getting him ready to take him down to surgery, before they took him down she bent down and gently kissed him and whispered I love you as they took out of the room, she hugged nicole tightly as they sat in the waiting room for the doctor to come back out, it seemed like hours passed before the nurse followed by the doctor came out to talk to them. They stood up when they saw the doctor coming, "how is he doing? "Is he going to be ok? The doctor looked between them, "he suffered a lot of damage to his heart between the two heart attacks that he sustained before he arrived, right now it's up to andy and if he is willing to fight, "The next 24 to 48 hours are going to be critical. They both held each as they stood there processing what the doctor told them, "I'll check back on him in a little while two to should try to get some rest and something to eat, They made their way back into the room, "Nicole why don't you go ahead and head home and get some rest, "I know your exhausted, "what about you sharon? "you need to rest too, "I'll be fine honey, with that nicole hugged her and walked out of the room leaving her alone with andy.

Sharon sat down and took his hand in hers she just sat and stared at him as if he was going to wake up any second, but she knew that he wouldn't be for a while, if he even did, she didn't want to think about that right now she was just trying to keep it together for nicole, after what seemed like an eternity she realized that her and nicole had both fallen asleep, she stretched and smiled at nicole who looked even more tired than she let on, "honey how about you go ahead and head home and get some rest, I can call you if there is any change, nicole looked at her and yawned, yeah I guess your right, I need to check on dean and the boys anyway, "are you going to be ok here by yourself sharon? She asked concerned, "yes honey I'll be just fine I'm just going to sit here and do some thinking I'll be ok, she stood and hugged nicole, As she turned to leave nicole looked back at her, "you know he loves you with everything sharon, you know that right, she smiled at her "yes honey I do, "I love him too honey, "get some rest honey, she said as nicole walked out of the room leaving her alone with her thoughts, as she stood next to his bed she gently ran her hands through his hair and down his cheek, she sat down in the chair and held his hand as she felt herself drifting off to sleep,

She suddenly sat up in the chair when she heard voices around her she opened her eyes to find the doctor and one her nurses talking to each other, the doctor noticed her moving around, "how did you sleep? She asked as she watched sharon stretching her sore and aching muscles, "How is he doctor? She asked cautiously, the doctor gave her a sad smile, "there's been no change sharon, "he's still not responding well to the medicine and his blood pressure has been falling all night, "to be completely honest he's not doing good, As she stood and listened to the doctor she could feel the tears starting to burn her eyes as she tried to hold them back, as hard as she tried she couldn't keep them from falling, she saw the doctor watching her, "I'm sorry doctor, as she wiped the tears from her eyes and off of her cheeks, The doctor smiled at her don't worry about it sharon, "I understand that you love him and want him to pull through but the thing is that his heart is too weak and damaged , "it's basically up to him now, his body has to decide if it wants to keep fighting or if he's ready to give up, just then the door flew open and rusty came running into the room, 

"Mom! As he walked up and wrapped his arms around his mother trying to give her a little comfort, as he held her he felt her tremble against his chest, he knew she was crying again and he held her as she cried, the doctor patted him on the arm "I'll come back later, try to get her to eat something or to go home and rest, "I'll do what I can doctor he nodded as she left the room leaving him standing there holding his mother why she cried, after a few mins she stepped back and looked at her son, "what are you doing here honey? " I thought you were at school, he looked at his mother, "well I figured you needed me more than I needed to be at school so here I am, he said as he wrapped his arms around her once again and she let him hold her, she hugged him tighter and let go and sat back down in the chair next to the bed, he pulled the chair over to her, she looked at him before you say anything I'm not leaving him, "I didn't say anything mom, the doctor did, he sat down in the chair next to her, he reached over and held her hand in his as they talked about different things, she looked up to see Louie and Patrice walking into the room, "how's he doing sharon? Patrice asked as she made her way over to sharon to hug her, "there hasn't been any improvement, "I'm starting to get worried Patrice, "what if he never wakes up? "I don't know what I would do with out him, she began to cry as Patrice stood there letting her cry while she tried to comfort her, "I know sweetheart, I know, Patrice hugged her tighter, "have you been home or eaten since we left, sharon smiled sadly at her no I haven't left his side, "well you won't be doing him any good if you don't take care of yourself sharon, "how about you go home and take a shower and rest for a while and try to eat, then come back, "Louie and I will sit with him until you and rusty come back, " I guess your right, "you will call me immediately if anything changes? " I promise sharon I will, "come on mom lets get you home so you can eat and rest for a little bit, "I promise I will bring you back, the drive back to condo was a quiet ride, " I know notice that she has been staring out the window watching the world go back, "I wish I could do more to help her she seems to be carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders right now, "mom you ok? I ask knowing I won't get a response, she turns her head and looks at me with the saddest look I have ever seen, "yeah I'm fine honey, I know she's not fine but she thinks she always has to be the strong one, as they entered the condo sharon headed to the shower and he went to make her some tea and something to eat he knew that she had to be hungry, after she had removed all of her clothes she stepped into the shower and let the water wash away the world, once she stepped out of the shower and got dressed she lay across her bed lost in her thoughts until she heard a faint knock on her bedroom door, "Mom you ok in there? Rusty asked, she sat up and stared at the door, "yes honey, you can come in if you want to, he walked into her room and sat down on the edge of her bed next to her, "you know he's going to make it and he's going to be just fine, you know that right, she looked at her son, she gently touched his cheek, " I hope so rusty, "I really do, "I don't want to live without him.


	2. Chapter 2

Rusty could feel his mother trembling in his arms, he knew that he had to be strong for her, she needed him more than ever now, He held her a few more minutes before he spoke, whispering, "mom, mom, after a second she looked at him, "how about you go and get a shower while I make you something to eat, "Ok honey that sounds good, she stood up and she felt her self stumble a little as rusty grabbed her and held her up, "Mom are you ok he asked worried? "yes I'm fine honey just more tired than I thought I was, he let her go and she made her way to her bathroom and got into the shower as the water from the shower fell down on her she was finally letting go of all the tears and emotion that she had been holding in all day, Rusty stood outside the door listening to his mother cry, it killed him to hear her crying but he knew that the only thing that he could do was just to be there for her, he went into the kitchen and started working on making her something to eat.

A few minutes later she made her way out of her bedroom into the kitchen, she walked into the kitchen to find her son finishing up their dinner, "smells great rusty, she smiled sadly at her son, "I hope you like it, as they sat and ate in silence she couldn't help but look at her son and realize how lucky and grateful she was to have him here with her during this rough time, she cleared her throat, "I want you to know how grateful I am to have you here with me right now, he looked at his mother, he held her hand, "mom you don't have to say anything I know, she smiled at her son, well I think I am going to go lay down for a while, she said as she stood and carried her plate to the kitchen, ok mom is there anything you need me to do? He asked as he walked over to hug this mother, "no honey everything is good, as she cupped his cheek with her hand, "you need to rest yourself you've had a busy few days I know you have to be tired too, he smiled at her "yeah I guess your right, She let go of her son as she walked down the hall to bedroom, knowing she wouldn't be able to sleep without him beside her, as she laid down on her bed she grabbed her phone to text Patrice and nicole, "How is he doing? "Any change? She laid her phone down and a few seconds later Patrice sent her a text, _"sorry sweetheart, there has been no change,_ a few seconds later her phone buzzed again this time is was nicole, _"no change still hoping,_ she read both messages as she started to cry again, she answered them back, she laid her phone on the table next to the bed, and cried herself to sleep,

Patrice and louie sat in silence watching his best friend laying in the hosptial bed with all of the machines beeping next to him, Patrice looked up to see louie just staring at the floor, "honey what's wrong? she asked as she walked around the bed to kneel down next to him, he looked at her with a sad smile, "what am I going to do if he never wakes up? She reached over and hugged him, "honey he's a fighter he'll be just fine it's just going to take time for his body to heal itself and for the medicine to work, he sighed as he stood up and hugged her tightly, "I hope your right about that, "Right about what nicole asked as she walked back into the room, " he is just really concerned about your father, he was asking me what I thought about it, "well what you think? Nicole asked worried, "Well like I told louie we are just going to have to wait to see, there's no telling how long it will take, "The doctors have done what they can it's up to andy now she sighed, she could see nicole looked defeated, "Nicole why don't you go home and get some rest yourself, "you look worn out, "I'm not leaving him, she snapped, "Patrice I'm so sorry I didn't mean to snap like that, Patrice looked at her "honey don't worry about it I understand that you are worried about him but your not doing him or you any good running yourself down like this. "yeah I guess your right, are you two staying or leaving? She asked puzzled, "we are going to stay for a little while longer until sharon gets back, "we are trying to give her sometime to rest, "We'll leave when she gets back, "well keep me updated on him nicole said as she made her way out the door into the hallway, "we will honey Patrice answered her as she walked away..

After several sharon woke up to find herself alone, she looked up to see rusty sleeping peacefully in the chair next to her, then she looked down to see that she was covered up with a blanket, he must have covered her up while she slept she thought, She grabbed her phone to check the time it was after midnight, she sent a quick message to Patrice, who responded immediately, she slid out of bed making sure not to disturb rusty who was curled up in the chair, she didn't how he could sleep like that, but he looked peaceful, she made her way to the bathroom and began to go about her normal routine, she was planning on going to back to hospital so that louie and Patrice could go home, after a few minutes she made her way to her closet, she grabbed a change of clothes to take with her she wasn't planning on leaving him again,

She made her way back to the bathroom to change clothes she noticed that rusty had gotten up and made his way to her bed and was curled up on her side of the bed snoring, she walked over and sat down on the bed and gently kissed him on the forehead which caused him to wake up, "Mom everything ok? "Something happen to andy? " No honey I'm just getting dressed I'm going to be heading back to the hospital, "Well I'm going with you he said as he started to get up, "honey I want you to stay here and get some rest, "you can come up later, ok, he looked at his mother for a moment, "Mom I want to be there for you, "honey you've been there for me through all of this but you need to take care of you too, "I'll be ok I promise, "if I need you I will call you immediately deal? She smiled sadly at him, "yeah I guess, "but you better call me, she held up her hands I will I will, she said as she stood up and went to get dressed, 10 mins later she was getting ready to leave when rusty met her at the door, He walked up to her and hugged her tightly, and whispered in her ear, " _I love you mom,_ she stood for a moment, "I love you too honey, "now go back to bed, if you want to you can sleep in my bed if it makes you feel better, here his mother was worrying about him when her boyfriend laying in the hospital, she really was "wonder woman" he thought, he hugged her again and she walked out the condo….

Once she arrived at hospital she was met by Julio, and mike, along with amy who were standing outside in the hall talking to louie and patrice, louie was the first one to walk up to her and hug her, she hugged him tightly he let her go and look at her with the saddest look she has ever seen on anyone, "louie what is it? He looked at her a moment, "there has been no change since you left last night, he still pretty much out of it at the moment, the doctor came in, "she said that she would come back and talk to you in a little while, she sighed as she stared at the door to his room, he stands next to her, "what if he never wakes up louie? "what are we going to do then? He stared at her, if anyone had asked him years ago is she had a heart he'd tell them no, but now he knew she did and it was breaking day by day watching what was going on with his friend and knowing there was nothing either of them could do but wait and see, which if truth be told it was killing both of them to see andy so helpless and frail, "sharon he's a fighter you know that, "we just have to keep hoping and praying that he pulls through this, "you know he wouldn't leave you unless he had too he said trying to lighten the moment, failing miserably, "well patrice and I going to leave so you can get settled, She hugged them both as they all left her alone, she sat down in the chair next to his bed and laced her hand in his and laid her head down on the bed and began to cry again, she didn't know how long she was like that until she heard the door open and the doctor walked inside to talk to her. "Sharon, she looked up to see Dr. Szermer, coming closer to her, "How are you doing? Sharon looked at her I would be doing a lot better if he would wake up, " I know you would, we are doing everything we can to help him but right now it's up to him, she looked the doctor "has there been any improvement? The doctor cleared her throat before she spoke, There has been fairly little since he was brought in, He has suffered some major issues with is heart, he went into heart failure while we had him on the table but we were able to bring him back, but as I told you before it's all up to him, she looked at the doctor "thank you Doctor, "I know you have done everything you can for him, now we all can do is wait to see which way it goes I guess. "I've got to finish my rounds if you need anything just get with my Nurses DeQuana and Cassidy for anything you mite need or want, "Thank you I will.

After the doctor left she took out her phone and noticed a text from rusty, _Hey mom! How's andy? Any change?_ she smiled to herself, she was blessed to have not one but three men in her life that she loved more than life itself. "No honey no change, "Doctor has done all that she can, "its up to andy now, _"I'm sorry to hear that mom, "Is there anything you need or want?_

"No sweetheart I'm fine, just get some rest and I will see you in the morning,

" _if you need me just call or text, yes ma'am I will see you in the morning, I'll bring breakfast! Love you!_

Love you too sweetheart!

She sat back in her chair and watched at the machines beeped and chimed drowning out the quietness of the room, she leaned back in the chair and minutes later was sound asleep again, the next thing she knew the machines started beeping loudly and the nurses came running into the room, followed by the doctor, "what's going? She asked puzzled.. The doctor looked at one of the nurses, "Get her out of here NOW! "Ms. Raydor, "I need you to step outside for a minute, she was standing outside of the room when louie and patrice came out of the elevator running toward her, "Sharon what the hell is going on louie asked as he stopped next to her, she looked at him, "I have no idea I woke up and the machines were going crazy, then the nurses and doctors came running in the room and made me leave, about that time she looked up to see rusty walking toward her, "Mom what's going on? She was fixing to answer him when the door opened and the doctor walked out, "Sharon we are taking him back down to surgery something went wrong he's not breathing on his own and his lungs are full of blood, "we are taking him back down to the O. R. she felt the whole room spin, and everything went black, she started to fall just as louie caught her, "Sharon, sharon, Sharon, after a few seconds she came back, "what happen, "They are taking him back down to the O. R. again. "it's not looking good louie said as he held her "all we can do now is pray she said as she sat down in the chair and waited, "as she sat there surround by her team she felt so alone….


	3. Chapter 3

It seemed like it was taking forever for her to hear anything from the doctor on how andy was doing, she was starting to get worried, She sat with her team and her son as they patiently waited for the doctor or someone to come out to tell them something. Rusty sat down next to his mother and she turned and gave him a sad smile as he grabbed her hand, she leaned over and laid her head on his shoulder, "Is there anything I can get for you mom? He asked, "No honey I'm not really hungry and I just want to sit here, "will you sit with me she ask looking at him, It made him feel proud that she needed him at that he was the type of person she could depend on, "of course mom I'm not going anywhere, she sighed as she laid her head back on his shoulder,

Louie had been sitting with them he hadn't said much he just sat and stared at the floor again, Patrice had been watching him for a while, "honey something bothering you? She asked puzzled, he looked at her, "Just thinking about what will happen if he doesn't make it, and what it will do to sharon, she loves him with everything she is and if something happens to him I honestly don't know what it will do to her, "honey you can think like that she said as she took his hand in hers and rubbed her thumb across the back of his hand.

After several more hours Doctor Szermer, finally appeared, she spotted sharon first, "Well we have done all that we can for him, I was able to fix the hole in his heart that led to the blood and fluid in his lungs, but he's still not breathing on his own which concerns me, he hasn't regained consciousness yet which isn't out of the ordinary, but he hasn't responded well to the medication and that worries me, Sharon gasp as rusty stood behind her, "As I told you before the next few hours will be crucial there is a good chance that he will never wake up, "I hate to be so blunt about it I feel it's better to be straight forward then not to, "Thank you Doctor I greatly appreciate it.

Sharon said as she sat down, "Well I will leave you to your thoughts, "if you need anything just let me know, Rusty spoke up for his mother, "Thanks doc, Sharon sat with her head in her hands, she felt someone sitting next to her she looked up to see nicole, "hey honey, "hey sharon, "how are you holding up? Nicole asked she wrapped her arms around nicole, "I'm holding on, "how about you? "I can't lose him sharon, I just got him back in my life, sharon felt the tears welling up again, "I know baby I know, "how about we go and check on him and see how he's doing, They walked back to andy's room and as they entered he looked so pale and he didn't look like the same andy, there were tubes and wires everywhere, they both each side of the bed both holding his hands, both of them hoping and praying that he would wake up, they sat there staring at him for what seemed like hours, Rusty entered the room to tell his mother that he was leaving and that he would be back in the morning and if she needed him to call him, "Try and get some rest honey, "I'll be ok nicole's here with me, "Ok mom just call me if you need me, "I will, with that rusty left the room and the rest of the team stopped by to tell her that they were leaving as well, leaving her and nicole alone in the room, after a few minutes she sent nicole home so she could rest, with the promise that she would call if something changed, as the hours passed only the nurses came in and out, sharon felt herself getting tired and she pushed the chair as close to bed as she could and laid her hand back in his and drifted off to sleep.

Several hours later her and nicole were jolted awake by the machines beeping and chiming, The nurses came running to see what the problem was, after a few minutes the doctor came in again and check his vitals, The doctor looked at her "Sharon we have done all we can do for him, he's not breathing on his own, It's just a matter of time, Sharon looked at her, "This can't be happening! She shouted, "There's got be something that you can do? "Sharon I'm sorry we have done all we can do, we have taken off of all the medicine and the machines with the hopes that he would breathe on his own, "it just hasn't happen, "He's gone, there's nothing else we can do, Sharon felt like someone had punched her in the gut, She could feel the tears falling down her cheeks, she didn't care who saw her, the doctor stepped out to let her have some time alone, she sat down and held his hand again, gently kissing his knuckles, she sat there and cried and held his hand as the heart monitor flat lined, The love of her life was gone and he wasn't coming back, Now she had to call his children and hers and the team to tell them the bad news.

Nicole was the first one to get to the hospital followed by the team and rusty, all them standing around his bed crying and holding each other, as sharon held onto nicole and to rusty, She looked at nicole "what do we do now? "I have no idea sharon, She wrapped nicole in a tight hug as they cried together letting their grief overtake them, Rusty just stood there with louie and Patrice and the rest of them looking at him mother who by now was exhausted and there was nothing that he could about it. Sharon turned around to see louie staring at her, she walked over and hugged him, "he loved you, you know that don't you, Louie looked at her, "yeah I know he did, as Patrice stood behind him trying to comfort him.. They all stood in silence as they all mourned the loss of their dear friend and as sharon mourned the loss of the love of her life.

The next few days went by like a flash, They had a small memorial service for him with just family and friends, after the service they had gathered at sharon's condo her and the team along with nicole and her family, "sharon I can talk to you a minute nicole asked, "Sure honey, "what is it? She asked puzzled, I found this letter address to you in dad's things, "I'm not sure when he wrote it but I wanted to give it to you, Sharon could feel the tears stinging her eyes as she took the letter from nicole, "Thank you honey, I'll read it later, They all sat and told stories and shared memories of Andy, after several hours everyone made their way to their respective homes leaving sharon and rusty alone, "Mom are you ok? Rusty asked concerned, she had said much the last several hours, "Yes honey I'm fine, "ok I was just concerned, "well I am going to go to my room now hopefully I can get some sleep, "Good night honey she said he started down the hall, he stopped and walked over to her and gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek _, "Good night mom, " I love you,_ he turned and walked away leaving her standing there in shock, After a few minutes she made her way to the sofa with the letter nicole gave her in her hands. She opened it and began to read it to herself, she realized it was from when he had to go out of town a few weeks ago for Chief Taylor, he must have written it while he was on his flight..

 _My Dearest Sharon_ ,

" _You have made me the luckiest man in the world, I am amazed at what a beautiful woman like you could ever see in a guy like me, I love you more than you will ever know, I want you to know that no matter what happens I will always be with you I will always protect you, You are the love of my life, and I will always cherish you and love you until the end of time, " well I know it's getting late, "I will see you when I get home, "Goodnight, sweetheart, sleep tight, God hold you in his arms while we're apart  
Though you're far away your love will stay ,Tucked away here in my heart_  
 _"I will see you in a couple of days my beautiful girl… love you always and forever Andy,_

She folded the letter back up and put it back in the envelope and sat there and cried, then suddenly she had the most peaceful feeling wash over her, she thought to herself, he's in a better place and he is watching over me, she sat there a few more minutes, then made her way to her bedroom where she slept peacefully for the first time in days, he would always watch over her and protect her, 


	4. Chapter 4

**This has been a rough one to write but I felt the need to write it, A huge thank you to all of you who have been so supportive of this story, It means a lot to me! This is written from Sharon's POV**

"It's been six months since andy passed away, " I miss him more and more everyday, "Those first few days were the hardest, "I kept expecting him to come home and "I would wake up from this horrible nightmare, but that hasn't happen yet, Even as I walk into my condo, "it's eerily quiet in here, as I look around the room there are different things that remind me of him, "The baseball cap he left on the back the couch, the spare clothes in the closet everything reminds me of him and the incredible, amazing man that he was.

"He would always tell me I was the most beautiful woman in the world and that he loved me with everything he had, He always knew what to say to make me laugh especially after a long day, "he always had a way to make everything better, "We had so many plans for the future that are now never going to happen, "All I can do now is remember all the good times we had, all of the silly conversations, the late night walks on the beach, the lazy Sundays "I miss him, he was the one my heart and soul confided in, the one I felt the safest with, "The one that I trusted the most, now here I am by myself again, "But the one thing I will never doubt is the love that I had for him and that he had for me, " I will always miss him and love him, "he was my soul mate and the best thing had happen to me a long time, "The night he died still plays in my head I'll never forget it, I had been sitting in the room with him watching the machines hoping and praying that he would, It was killing me to sit and watch the strongest man I ever knew, laying that hospital bed, The night nurse came in to check his vitals and to see how I was doing, 'You know he's only hanging on for you, she said as she started to make her way out the room, "My voice and heart were breaking when I crawled up in his bed with him and whispered to him to him that I loved him, and that he didn't have to hang on for me any longer and that he could finally slip away and that I would miss him and always love him, "But I would be alright, and that I would always keep him in my heart and thoughts, " So a little after midnight on the third night of him being in hospital, he passed away peacefully with me by his side, as the machines beep and flat lined, Doctor. Szermer, came in the room to turn off the machines, she sat with me for a while, after some time had passed I made my way outside to call everyone and let them know he was gone, "That was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, "The following days went by like a flash and once again life started to get back to normal or as normal as it would be without him here, as I try to put my scattered thoughts in place, "Louie called to see if I'm ok, I just looked out the window, and say last night I prayed the lord my soul to keep and I cried myself to sleep, "He didn't say much after that, "Rusty bless his heart has been wonderful through all of this he has been my rock the one that I have leaned on the most, "Who would have thought after everything that he has been through that he would turn out to be a wonderful young man, "he calls me all the time and comes by to make sure that I'm ok, He moved into the dorm shortly after andy died, "I'm thankful that he did, "I want him to spread his wings and fly and to be great man that I know he will be.. I know that andy is looking down on me and he's smiling, "He knows I miss him terribly and that I will be ok in time… "After all time heals everything…. Even broken hearts….


	5. Chapter 5

"It's been a year since Andy passed, "Those first few months were hard I spent most of it close off from everyone and everything, I would cry at the sound of his name or just thought of him it was a very dark time for me but as the old saying goes "times heals everything, "It has been a huge adjustment over the last year, 'Things have changed quite a bit, 'Louie finally decided to retire and he and Patrice are enjoying his retirement, The team has felt the affects of him leaving but it's made all of us closer, "Amy and Chuck got married a few months ago and are happy, "Andy would have loved it, We all felt him there that day, It rained the day they got married, so after the ceremony we all danced in the rain.. "Things have changed around here as well rusty met someone and he moved out, "He's living in the dorm at school which I couldn't be happier for him, 'I love watching him spread his wings and enjoying his independence, 'Which is all I could ask for my children, "He calls all the time to just talk or to ask if I'm ok, " I know it worry's him me being here by myself, "I still talk to Nicole and she and the boys still visit and we have a great time just remembering the good times, "She reminds me so much of her dad, She looks just like him, she has his smile and laugh. "I still can't believe he's been gone a year it doesn't seem real, it feels like yesterday when he passed. "I miss him everyday, I miss him arms around me and the soft and gentle way he would kiss my neck as he rubbed my shoulders after a long day, 'but I feel him with me, every time I walk on the beach or lay in bed I can feel him and I catch the faint scent of his aftershave and it gives a peaceful feeling. "I will always miss him and I will always love him, "He was and is the love of my life and that's a rare find especially for someone my age and with the career that I have chosen it's hard to find someone that understands.. "He always managed to make my bad days not so bad, he was always there when I needed him, 'Which is something that I took for granted most of the time. ' I have learned one thing in this last year that is not to take anything or anyone for granted because in the blink of an eye things can change. 'Even as I sit here I can still feel him I know he's always going to be with me it makes the days so much easier to get through knowing that I will see him again one day and it gives me the strength and the peace to face the days without him…


	6. Chapter 6

**This is final chapter, I wanted to thank everyone for the postive response, This chapter is from Rusty's POV**

It's been a year since Andy passed away, "I know mom misses him terribly, the first few days after were the hardest for her, she spent most of her time alone in her room crying and sleeping, "I would check on her from time to time and she would always tell me that she was ok, when I knew that she wasn't, A year has gone by and one afternoon I came home and she was sitting on the couch waiting for me, 'Mom is everything ok? She smiled as she stood and up and hugged me tightly, 'I'm ok rusty she said as she sat down on the couch hugging her legs close to her chest, 'I want to talk to you mom, she turned and looked at me I could see that she was still upset and crying, "what is it honey she asked as she held my hand in hers, "You know I am always here for anytime you need me, "I know this last year has been hard for you with Andy being gone, She smiled sadly as she nodded her head, 'Yeah it's been rough, 'I know that I don't always show it mom but no matter what just know that I love you, and will always be here, She reached over and hugged me as I felt her tremble I knew she was crying and I just held her and let her cry, 'I thought she had gotten much better over the last year she seems to be becoming the old sharon that she was before, "It never occurred to that today is the one year anniversary of his passing, 'Mom are you ok? She looks up me with bloodshot eyes, and shakes her head no as she starts to cry again, 'I hold her as she cries, She sits up and looks at me, 'Rusty honey I'm so sorry I didn't mean to cry like that, she's going back into "Darth Raydor mode again, ' Mom look at me, she looks at me, 'You have nothing to apologize for, I'm glad that you are letting me be here for you when you need me the most, 'If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be here, 'Who knows where I would be if you hadn't taken me in, she looks at me and smiles as she cups my chin with her hand, 'I would do it again in a heartbeat, she says, 'I love you, you are my son and nothing will ever change that, 'Here she is taking care of me again, when I'm trying to take care of her, 'Hey mom how about we go walk on the beach and watch the sunset and grab some dinner too, She looks at me a second, 'Actually that sounds great honey, 'let's go she says as we walk out of the condo… 'Andy was right she is wonder woman,


End file.
